French children don't throw food
‘Attend, ma douce’, means 'wait, my gentle one. I think the phrase is both cautious, authoritarian, and not least important. Especially when we're talking about child rearing. The French once had and have an attitude to child-rearing that is somewhat different from modern-day child-rearing compared to that of others, where children rarely greet others nicely or thank them for their food.
Via the ubiquitous internet, I discovered a writer by the name of Pamela Druckerman. She is American and moved to Paris with her British husband and children. Druckerman has published several books on French parenting. She takes on the role of a researcher on French parenting and asks questions about why French children don't throw food and why parents don't shout at them. What is the recipe for our parenting success?
A while back I ordered the book French children don't throw food by the same author - she has published several books on this topic. In the book's prologue, she writes about the differences between French, British and American parenting.
Americans and Brits tend to focus too much on their children, while the French manage to enjoy a glass of wine during visits while their children play in the background. French parents are known for talking seriously to their children, showing them nature and reading them books. They also like to take their children to tennis lessons, painting classes and museums. In other words, they are very involved without being obsessive.
France tops the list of European countries where the most children are born (2016). The birth rate has fallen slightly since 2017. The author says that French women have a relaxed relationship with pregnancy. They are not obsessed with motherhood or the well-being of babies. ‘They are concerned and aware of the enormous change in their lives, but the signals they express differ from those of English women, for example,’ writes Druckerman.
French babies sleeping through the night early seems to be a norm in France. Some babies find this rhythm in the sixth week, others need four months to find their rhythm, says an article in the French magazine Maman. The book goes on to say that French parents often use the word “attend” meaning “wait” or “sois sage” meaning “be good” in a sharp tone.
The content of the book says a lot about how French children are brought up to learn to use their senses early on, and not least learn to wait. I don't have any children at the moment, but I worked as a childminder and teaching assistant when I was younger. I enjoyed observing how the children I looked after activated themselves, what they liked to talk about, how they played, and how they observed things. I learnt a lot about how different parenting is from parent to parent.
But I've observed that not only Americans and Brits give in when their children demand something, so do the Norwegians. I'm not saying that French children have the perfect upbringing - there's been a lot of criticism about French parenting, especially in the old days when children were supposed to be a kind of silent decoration during dinner. But I think Norwegian children also benefit from learning to wait, and parents can benefit from teaching their children to use their intuitive abilities. A gentle, stern tone does no harm, as long as it comes with an explanation.
The saddest thing I know is parents living in depression because they can't cope with their children. This is a book I would highly recommend to parents-to-be and to those who are already parents. It's full of wisdom, but also has a humorous twist. We need to ask ourselves, - are we preparing our children for what they will face in the future by giving in to depression?