Let’s talk about sex
Photo: Terry Richardson
The discourse surrounding sexuality warrants our attention, particularly in light of the alarming statistics regarding sexual offences and assaults that have surfaced in the media over recent years, whether through local publications or international news outlets. Such patterns indicate a significant crisis in our collective perception of sexuality, especially among the younger demographic and in social contexts.
The actions of young men, and occasionally young women, who violate another individual without consent or any semblance of sexual invitation, exemplify a troubling phenomenon. The question arises as to why erogenous zones have become associated with greed and violence. Could factors such as pornography, issues of autonomy, the intoxicating effects of alcohol, or neurological predispositions be at play? Furthermore, is it possible that the dominant gender, men, has been socialised in ways that perpetuate micro and macro aggressions in relation to tactile engagement and sexual understanding?
While the theory attributing blame to pornography is illuminating, the lack of comprehensive sexual education and dialogues surrounding boundary-setting also plays a crucial role. It is imperative to engage in discussions about autonomy and tactile communication, particularly regarding the importance of recognising "no" as a definitive response. Clarity is essential in ensuring that consent has been established prior to any actions being taken.
In an effort to transition from the serious aspects of contemporary sexual culture to a more positive outlook, we should embrace the notion of sexual pleasure devoid of shame. The rhythm, warmth, language, sheets, and the art of tactile engagement are all fundamental components. Cultivating a sensual appetite for one another, perhaps through innocent foreplay that fosters playfulness and mystery, can be beneficial. As human beings, we are inherently driven by our primal instincts when our erogenous zones are stimulated; the true art lies in mastering this drive to achieve a beautiful and reserved form of pleasure.
In an article published on aeon.com by Rebecca Kukla, she articulates a perspective on consensual sex that many may resonate with: “Autonomous, willing participation is necessary for ethical sex, but it is not sufficient. We can autonomously consent to all sorts of bad sex, for terrible reasons.” This observation raises pertinent questions regarding the ethical dimensions of sexual encounters, particularly in the context of delayed gratification. What implications does this have for our sexual lives? It is vital that we shift the focus from an overemphasis on sexual activity to a discussion about the art of waiting. The ability to experience intimacy without hastily engaging in physical penetration is crucial. Perhaps the challenge lies in the societal tendency to indulge, akin to frequenting a confectionery shop. There may also be an underlying shame associated with the act of waiting, stemming from a fear of the repercussions that follow. The question arises: what if one does not engage in sexual activity? Additionally, if one is unfamiliar with exhibiting sexual behaviour in a healthy and dignified manner, it may be worthwhile to consider taking a partner to an erotic film and discussing the characters and themes afterwards. Alternatively, one could appreciate the aesthetic of a woman's back as a form of intimate and sensitive art before engaging in more overt expressions of desire.
Is it truly so detrimental to wait? Waiting is not a rejection; rather, it can ignite desire and appetite. It fosters clarity in making a wise decision that one truly wishes to pursue without regret. For those who await something worthwhile, the wait is never in vain.